Holiday Catholics *note, the word count is six hundred and sixty six for a reason

Abby spoke about them yesterday at the Sigma Tau Delta meeting. Had nothing to do with the meeting, but none of us were Catholic, so it doesn’t matter. It’s true, what she said though. Catholics–most, anyway–bitch about Lent every year, but don’t ever practice anything Catholic to begin with.

And it’s not just with Catholics–this goes for all religions. I’ve heard of Muslims who hate Jews solely because of that on going feud, yet, don’t practice their Islamic beliefs. Piety, it seems, is only in the mind of the nut job who thinks quitting meat on Fridays, or blowing themselves up for 70 virgins, is all relative. If that’s so, then a guy like me who doubts all things, must have a sure ticket to Heaven if I decided, in the final minutes of my life, to say, “Yes, I accept Jesus Christ as my lord and savior,” or, “Jihad!!!!”

But you have to understand where I’m coming from. I was raised Catholic, and my family is Catholic, for the most part, and they still have this silly notion that I’m still in someway affiliated with the church. I’m not, and I don’t seem me anywhere in the near future that I’m going back to the ranks of pedophiles and winos.

Just a side note with that remark, there have been pedophiles and child molesters reported in all branches of the religion, not just Catholicism. To say that Catholics must be wrong because their religious leaders touch little kids is just ludicrous and insane. They’re wrong for the same reasons the rest of them are wrong, and that’s the blatant lie that God is a for sure thing, that there should be no question or doubting his existence.

However, what captivates me about holiday Catholics is the fact that they rarely practice what they preach. One girl had the gall to attack a homosexual friend of mine about his sin. “Homosexuals are an abomination to God,” she declared, though I doubt she used those words, or even knew what abomination meant. Clearly unbeknownst to her was the obvious pregnant belly that jutted out in front of her.

Ask a Catholic why the go to church on Sundays, and the answer, more likely than not, will be that they must go to Church. Truth is, more than half of teenage to young adults who attend mass don’t really want to be there. Grace knows I didn’t. Most of my adolescent time (before leaving the religion during high school) was trying to cover up my obvious boner that I had for the young catholic girls. And for the most part, that’s why I went to church, to ogle the short skirts and the perfect round cheeks of peer-aged girls–not to mention the thirty-something women who wore tight dresses in order to gain God’s attention, or marry the single for life (though other books excluded from the Bible say otherwise) Christian figure known as Christ.

Now the generation before me, are still attending church, feeling unmotivated, but still continuing to damn those who refuse to follow the great words of the Pope (Spanish slang, well in South Texas: popé is shit caught within the underwear).

And now that Lent is underway, Catholic peers are dropping drinking beer, alcohol, sex, pornography–the epitomes of sin. I don’t pretend to know what I’m talking about when it comes to a generalization of Catholics, but the truth is, Catholics are at the bottom of the food chain because no one takes their religious beliefs serious. Most of the born again were derived from The Passion of the Christ, a historically incorrect, Mel Gibson vision of the death of a Buddhist follower who just happened to trick a bunch of people into thinking he was the son of a god.

The thing I find odd, however, is that while many catholics are now complaining that their beliefs suck, none of them decide to quit being Catholic for Lent’s duration.