Atheist prayer

Just thought I should share this with you:

“Our brains, which art in our heads, treasured be thy names. Thy reasoning come. The best you can do be done on earth as it is. Give us this day new insight to resolve conflicts and ease pain. And lead us not into supernatural explanations, deliver us from denial of logic. For thine is the kingdom of reason, and even though thy powers are limited, and you’re not always glorious, you are the best evolutionary adaptation we have for helping this earth now and forever and ever. So be it.”

From Friendly Atheist.

Rubber Chicken Blues

So I’m in my private world, but I have visitors. My three and almost two-year-old nieces who stumble in and out of the room because Geb forbid me to put a lock on the door. I can’t understand how two girls can make so much noise with a door.That and, you know, I can’t read any of my favorite blogs, not because they contain pornography, but their ads do. Oh well, perhaps I shall venture into reading the many various reason why the chicken crossed the road. Or better yet, figure out why the atheist crossed the road.

They’re gone, so I can resume my daily routine of checking out blogs. But now Better Off Dead is on and that has captured my attention. I’m really have a Hadley type of day; if Pretty in Pink’s on, then I’m really set. Earlier, by the way, I should mention, Sixteen Candles was on.

I should really pick up a book and read something. Or write something. I still have that article I have to rewrite, but been putting it off because of the depression that has sent in. I suppose anything is better than just sitting on my ass and staring at this screen.

Excerpt

I wish I could be forsaken like Christ nailed to the cross; a single rain drop upon my brow before the storm; the evidence of a missing passion upon the hearts of all those I look below.

That’s all I have for you now.

That and this:

Falling Down

El Senor doesn’t call. We miss another coffee date, but that’s okay. He has kids and I understand. Instead, I get dress and walk about the house for a moment contemplating my next move. I call Adam Zuniga to tell him about the blog. I mentioned the article had been put up as well. He seemed pleased and that made me happy. I think for the meanwhile, my part is over. I got the accurate information out, something Miss Leatherman failed to do in her article. Now it’s phase two: Editing the article for publication. I must cut it down by a thousand words and revamp it with an angle that will blow Leatherman’s article away. That’s something I always had trouble with, angles.

David said working with a daily would be a lot more meaningful if I wanted to be a serious writer. I do, however, not media writer. I suppose we all have to start somewhere, right? Maybe that’s why I write the blogs now. I suppose in some sense of the idea, writing these everyday, or almost everyday, will help me learn not to be so paranoid when it comes to writing.

I’ve gotten off subject, haven’t I? I was talking about El Senor, not David or writing, though that’s where I’m heading towards anyway. It came to my attention that I’m a Chicano writer. This was brought on by Chicano News when a quote from my first blog made it to their page. It, of course, was taken out of context, though I’m sure they weren’t trying to crucify me. At least I hope they’re not. Here’s the quote:

“I for one have never considered myself a Chicano writer, but a person who happens to fall under the label Chicano by a community and just happens to write.”

Here’s the entire paragraph:

“So I’ve come to the conclusion that Jane isn’t an atheist at all, but merely a joke. I have the irking feeling that she is just the pawn, an invention of Judeo-Christians to promote the belief system. She is not a true atheist, nor does she deserve to use the term to describe herself. It has been to my belief that those who are willing to go as far as to label themselves, unless asked by the general public, that they are so and so, are using the term loosely. I for one have never considered myself a Chicano writer, but a person who happens to fall under the label Chicano by a community and just happens to write. And the only label I have ever called myself is agnostic solely because people refuse to believe there is gray area between those who are devout and those who don’t believe.”

I had already had the pleasure from Friendly Atheist of being posted as a quote in a comment made about 90 Day Jane. It’s not that I’m trying to toot my own horn–what does that mean anyway?–I just ask for permission to be shocked. Before moving here, I only wrote private blogs. Those who read them were just close friends of mine. Now I’m out there in the public with several readers (I go about 83 within a 4 day period) that I don’t even know. Now I worry just how much I can write here before exposing who I am and what my beliefs are.

I’m not ashamed by them, so don’t get me wrong. I have always stood by my word, which is why I’m not ashamed of writing something against The Monitor, the Rio Grande Valley’s guru of news. Actually, they are the stain in the media world. All the rejects from Pan American find themselves in the hands of the Freedom Communications paper, wandering about like thoughtless drones, writing what they see, and getting the facts wrong, as per Miss Leatherman–though, luckily, and happily, she didn’t go to Pan American and pursued higher education. (Notice how I don’t link these things.)

The Monitor makes mistakes, but then again, what paper doesn’t? I shouldn’t be too hard on them, should I? However, they refuse to show anything but what they’re paid to show. Money down here, as I suppose in other places, pushes the paper. What the rich wants The Monitor to publish is what makes it to the front pages. All that money stolen from X School District? Oh that never happened.

Reminds me of William S. Burroughs when he wrote in “Where You Belong,” a selection from The Soft Machine:

“My trouble began when they decide I am executive timber–It starts like this: a big blond driller from Dallas picks me out of the labor pool to be his houseboy in a prefabricated air-conditioned bungalow–He comes on rugged but as soon as we strip down to the ball park over on his stomach kicking white wash and screams out “Fuck the shit out of me!”–I give him a slow pimp screwing and in solid–When this friend comes down from New York the driller says “This is the boy I was telling you about”–And Friend looks me over slow chewing his cigar and says: “What are you doing over there with the apes? Why don’t you come over here with the Board where you belong?” And he slips me a long slimy look. Friend works for the Trak News Agency–”We don’t report the news–We write it.”"

That’s pretty much what The Monitor does–write the news. I’ve had the discussion with El Senor before.

How rude of me. Here I am talking of a friend and I haven’t probably introduced him. El Senor is a man, less than twenty years my senior. A marine, ex-military. He fought in Iraq Part One. Afterward, he decided to deal drugs on the street before finding himself in prison. After he was released he used his military funds to pursue higher education. He’s now working on his thesis. The reason I know him and we speak because we’re both poets/writers from La Frontera, and he was my vice president during my stint as president of Sigma Tau Delta last year. The former before the latter.

Right now we’re in the position of wondering what we’re going to do with ourselves. He has kids and I suffer from depression. Either makes it difficult to leave the valley.

We’re both would-be philosophers, also.

He’s an atheist and I’m agnostic. Most of the times, though, he treats me like an atheist. We talk politics at Moonbeans, sipping on bitter coffee. I’m not an avid drinker. I know nothing of coffee; I drink tea, Earl Grey mostly.

And like most atheists and agnostics, we talk about our beliefs openly. People around us normally add in how they wish they were as free as we are. I often wonder if they mistake us for father and son, I don’t look anywhere near 25, I’ve been told. (I can’t even grow a full set of facial hair, just patches as if puberty only just hit.)

I’ve been wanting to get him to sit and talk with Adam because I think the conversations would be interesting.

Note: The style of my writing is slowing down. The room is now hot. It is at a temperature when air conditioning fails to cool, but not cool enough outside to make it unnecessary. With the heat of my room, my thought process has begun to slow.

Last time we spoke, we had a discussion on the Borderwall. In a few weeks, months, whatever, the wall will make so much noise down here that I’ll never run out of material to write about. Luckily for him, he’ll be in Ohio serving out some time from an incident in his past. Imagine that–a graduate student working on his thesis behind bars.

I’ll try to write more on the subject on a later date. Hopefully, when I do, I can provide a transcript of a conversation with Adam E. Zuniga and El Senor.

Shemshemet Ministry & 90 Day Jane

I’ve been doing a lot of research on the Shemshemet Ministry, a South Texas branch of The Hawaii Cannabis Ministry, which was started by Roger Christie. The Shemshemet Ministry was established by Rev. Adam E. Zuniga of Edinburg, TX. It’s a rather interesting piece that I chose, even though The Monitor already beat me to the punch. The difference between mine will be that’ll actually be informational rather than taking Adam out and shooting–not literally, of course.

The piece I’m referring to has spread like wild fire through out Cannabis forums across the internet. I’d link the article, but then that would be giving the writer, whom I have no respect for, more publicity than she needs. You can find it online if you’re really desperate in knowing what she wrote. But the way she wrote it made me feel that she was condescending towards his beliefs and how she seemed to paint him as a delusional person who wants to smoke cannabis (I vowed to do my best never to use the terms marijuana, weed, pot, etc. when referring to his sacrament).

My article, that I’m writing for South Texas Nation will be on him, his ministry, but mainly the legality of the choice. I have more information than I wanted, so I’m thinking of making a short documentary piece on the subject, hopefully with the aid of Rev. Zuniga and those like him. It’ll be short and based in the Valley. I’m hoping to also get a few representatives of along for the ride. I’m think Aaron Pena because he’s from Edinburg and that makes perfect sense to me.

On to another topic. I’ve been contemplating what I wanted this blog to be about. I already have a-what’s-going-on-in-my-life styled blog, two actually, so I didn’t need another one. After reading an article in a writing journal, I decided it’d be best if I had a writer’s blog as well.

So as I contemplated the fate of this blog, I came across 90 Day Jane. I’m not opposed to suicide, though I’d never have the weakness to do it myself. Let’s face the facts, however. I suffer from depression and anxiety, so suicide has been an idea in the back of my head. I don’t think I could do it, and I don’t want to ever believe that I’m weak enough to ever take my life. But the thing is, it’s still there. I know I run the risk of my personal life being exploited on the internet where potential and current employers may read, but it’s a serious condition and I feel I should address it in at least one of these blogs.

However, and I quote from the 90 Day Jane blog, Jane states the following:

This blog is not a cry for help or even to get attention. It’s simply a public record of my last 90 days in existence. I’m not depressed and nothing extremely horrible has lead me to this decision. But, does it really have to? I mean, as an atheist I feel life has no greater purpose. My generation has had no great depression, no great war and our biggest obstacle is beating Halo 3.

I feel great shame about this whole thing. The media whore she’ll most likely is/will be in the future compels me to believe that there is in fact a hidden agenda. I’m not the one who feels this. There are many blogs out there that are saying the same thing. For instance, Friendly Atheist has also commented on the count down blog.

What I find great shame is the fact she noted that she is an atheist and life has no greater purpose. First of all, let’s get the facts straight. I’m an agnostic because if I can’t commit myself to believing in something that I cannot see, touch, hear, etc., then I cannot, by the same logic, deny the existence of a higher being. I cannot touch, see or smell certain gases, but I do have empirical data that they exist. I cannot touch, see or smell the evolution of man, and I still adhere to that theory because of the same reason.

However, to feel because you are an atheist that there is no greater reason to exist, to go on, to live, because of your non belief in a higher being, is just ludicrous. Even Buddhists believe in a similar thought:

“…every one must bear the burden of his own sins, that every man must be the fabricator of his own salvation, that not even a God can do for man what self-help in the form of self-conquest and self-emancipation can accomplish.” (Goddard, A Buddhist Bible, 3-4)

I know Jane isn’t worried about sin, but is focused that if she doesn’t believe in the possibility of a heaven and hell (a reward and a punishment), then life must not have a purpose. Wrong! Life is purpose. You don’t need a higher being to give you purpose. Existentialists have seemingly come out of the woodwork for Jane. Life’s greater purpose is only chosen by the person who is living. If you feel you have no purpose it’s because you have chosen not to have purpose.

Albert Camus wrote:

“There is but one truly serious philosophical problem, and that is suicide. Judging whether life is or is not worth living amounts to answering the fundamental question of philosophy. All the rest–whether or not the world has three dimensions, whether the mind has nine or twelve categories–comes afterwards.

“I have never seen anyone die for the ontological argument… On the other hand, I see many people die because they judge that life is not worth living. I see others paradoxically getting killed for the ideas or illusions that give them a reason for living (what is called a reason for living is always an excellent reason for dying).”

What reason does Jane have for dying? For the sole reason that life has no reason. If I could communicate with Jane, I’d ask this one question: If life has no meaning, then why are we here? There must be a reason, otherwise we wouldn’t exist. Each of us has a reason born within. Whether it was given to us by some higher being, or if it was given to us the moment we saw that our destiny was always in our grasp. So there are reasons that we can have for living, we just need to know what it is.

How do we find out? There are many ways. What moves you the most? Does going to work on a day to day basis, clock out, go home and be with yourself or family make you happy? Then there is your reason for living. Your job. Your home. Your family. These are reasons for living. What about your dog? What about your car? The fact that you make someone that loves you smile? Do none of these things give you the will to go on? What about the small voice you make when you write? There has to be something that gives you a reason to go on in this world. And if you feel that you don’t, then there are ways of obtaining a reason. Church, religion, faith, civil service, community service, charity, donations, nonprofit organizations, things that you can actually get out there and make a difference.

And now I come full circle back to Rev. Adam E. Zuniga who told me that we all have a destiny to fulfill. He asked me in an interview, “What is your purpose? Is it to write an article and help people get their message out?”

Up until then, I had always treated article writing, this freelance job that I have because I like having a lot of free time and living poor (not true by the way). I never once, however, thought that my writing was anything more than a duty I had to fulfill in order to get money. Money makes the world go round, doesn’t it?

But what I have learned in the short period that I’ve known Adam is that there is a lot out there for me to do. I just have to take my picking. I can write for a living, that has never not been an option. However, I feel that something has sparked in me that I must push further to finding my place in this world.

I don’t have control over the events that happen in my life, but Adam did say I do have control over myself. And that’s all that matters in this world. If I am able to one day say, “What in the world was I thinking when I thought I could be an actual writer?” I could easily take my degree in English and put it to other uses. We are not stuck in the loop of having to believe in God and not having to believe in God–we actually have the choice in believing other ideas from other countries. Buddhism, Hinduism, etc.

I wonder if Jane has ever thought of that? It should be fairly simple for someone who isn’t crying out for attention or help to notice that life has meaning only when you give it meaning. We should take it by the grasps and just live.

So I’ve come to the conclusion that Jane isn’t an atheist at all, but merely a joke. I have the irking feeling that she is just the pawn, an invention of Judeo-Christians to promote the belief system. She is not a true atheist, nor does she deserve to use the term to describe herself. It has been to my belief that those who are willing to go as far as to label themselves, unless asked by the general public, that they are so and so, are using the term loosely. I for one have never considered myself a Chicano writer, but a person who happens to fall under the label Chicano by a community and just happens to write. And the only label I have ever called myself is agnostic solely because people refuse to believe there is gray area between those who are devout and those who don’t believe.

So is it a ploy? I suppose we’ll never know unless she has the ability to come back after she’s dead.

—————-
Now playing: Manic Street Preachers-Suicide is Painless (theme from MASH)
via FoxyTunes