Epiphany

I just realized something. It struck me as the most obvious thing, yet I never paid too much attention to it.

I can’t imagine myself being with anyone else. And to think of Jyg being with someone else kills me. I know, a lot of people say that after the first blow and I’ll admit that it’s most likely true. However, when I was with Jessica or Mari, I didn’t care. I simply just didn’t care. I could see myself with Jessica - or who was it at that time? - when I was with Mari. And I could see myself with Jyg when I was with Jessica. But throughout the five years of my relationship with Jyg, I couldn’t imagine myself for one second being with someone else. I lived and breathed Jyg and I don’t care how much that makes me sound like a girl.

And to think of a life without Jyg is to think of the possibility of not being with anyone at all. I know, that’ll probably change if things don’t get back on track, but for the meanwhile, I don’t think I could be with anyone else. I don’t care to. And while Jyg’s now living her life without her boring (ex)boyfriend, I realize I’m just standing still.

I don’t want to feel this low ever again. And every Friday night I’m going to ponder, is she looking for someone else?

Steak and BJ day

Finally a holiday for men! I was snooping around the internet early last week when I stumbled on it and I went aflutter. However, I failed to post it here on last week’s hump day post.

Here’s a quote from the site:

On March 14th, we ask of two things from our the special women (or men) in our lives.

We don’t want any cards, flowers or anything like that. We simply want Steak and BJ. No need to run to the Hallmark store or flower shop. They’re nice and may add to the overall effect but all we need is Steak and BJ.

I’m sure I speak to all the singles when I say, “Geb, it sucks to be single and find this out!” But I kid, well, I kid about me, not so much about the rest of you single men. However, I do ask this one very interesting question - if Steak and BJ day is the valentines for men, who gets the blow job and the steak within a gay couple?

Rewrites

I hate it when I get stuck on a rewrite. I’m working the with same material I’ve been working with for the first few drafts, but the rewrite is killing me. I need to get in contact with other people in the valley and discuss the cannabis situation. I’ll call it that from now on, if I remember.

Speaking of Cannabis, it looks like Ron Paul didn’t get that much support in the Valley, even though a banner was draped over the expressway bridge. That was the scene on election day, on expressway 83. Some crazy things. Ron Paul was the godsend for a lot of people, but I didn’t trust him. Those who spoke to me about him said he wanted to get rid of the “unconstitutional” drug war. But it wasn’t just that I was focusing on. Abortion is always my target, however, it isn’t the most important.

To know a guy supports the legalization of marijuana by potentially ending the war on drugs at the price of women’s rights was always wrong to me. I just didn’t like the guy.

He was just shifty.

Perhaps, if I cared enough, I would’ve called Ron Paul’s campaign and asked their viewpoint on the religious use of cannabis. However, I didn’t feel I should sink that low when writing this, even though it may have been for the best to get valley supporters. I think just focusing on those who use cannabis for that reason should be the prime focus of my article, which should have been finished so long ago, but health and now emotional problems have become problematic.

And speaking of relationship problems, I had a talk with Jyg. I guess it was my mindset that did us in. I don’t want to be the guy who fucked this up, but without the cash and the job, I can’t do anything for her. I need a job and I need one now.

I know what she wants and I know what I want and they’re not that different. However, I am scared about the whole thing. I’ve seen people who are proud and get into this situation and regret it later. I don’t want to regret it. I never want to regret it. I’m just so confused.